How to Get Your Self Together Now

Mindfulness is being here and now without judgement.  Your mind, your heart and your body are all in the same place.

--JusTme, Hip Hop Artist and Mindfulness Teacher

When I heard hip hop artist JusTme say that I felt myself well up.  How often is my heart in one place, my mind in another and my body completely offline?

Right before I sat down to write this blog, I said goodbye to my husband, but my mind was on the blog.  My heart was probably with him; I have no memory of what my body was doing.  By splitting my self, I lost something precious.  I lost me.  And, I lost the chance to really feel him, his care for me.

It wasn't until I did some mindful breathing and listening with JusTme that I realized how juicy and sweet bringing my mind, heart and body together is.

How many times a day do you lose yourself?  How often do you feel neglected and spent at the end of the day because you've been separating heart, mind and body?

When I go around multi-tasking and disconnecting from my body or my heart, I find myself thinking like a victim:  Nobody's helping me.  I'm alone.   Nobody's going to do this except me.

If you're mad at everyone and doing things without knowing why or if they are important, you may have left your heart or you body.   Are you avoiding feeling sad or abandoned?

When my body goes offline, I'm more likely to catastrophize about the bills, my son's health, global warming, attacks on black life, etc.  Then, I'm nervous, afraid and uncreative.   When I'm separating from my heart and body; my mind on its own is just too negative and defensive.

Does this sound familiar?

Here's what you can you do to bring the mind, body and heart into the same place and same time: 

• Take 2 minutes to get back into your body.

• Set a timer for 5 minutes to breathe mindfully and kind-fully.  Inhale gently through the nose and exhale through the mouth quietly.  Just focus the mind on the breath.  When you become aware of thoughts, just focus back on the breath.  What's important is that you do this without judgement of how good or bad you are.  

• Throughout the day:  Feel your feet on the ground; when you drink, feel the liquid in your mouth and throat; periodically check in with your heart and belly and ask how they are feeling.

• Look for a course or weekly group activity that will help you to sustain your practices.  Most of us do better in community than we do alone!

Will you join me in one or all of these ways of getting yourself together?

Peace and love!
Dr. Amanda Kemp

Calling on People Who Want to Change the World

On August 29, I'm launching a 30 day Meditation Challenge, and I need you to join me.  Whether you are an experienced practitioner or a newbie this is for you.

Have you ever heard the phrase "Misery loves company"?  Well, good energy gets magnified exponentially when people do something positive together.

Many of us have been in upset about the attack on Planned Parenthood; on black men, women and children; and on our beautiful Mother, earth.  Well upset can accumulate and get in the way if we don't cultivate peace, compassion and spaciousness.  Join me.

If you are grieving over the loss of a loved one; if you are worried about finances; if your body is hurting.  Join me.

The 30 Days with Dr. Amanda Kemp Meditation Challenge gives you access to a conscious community of folks who are choosing to breathe, to be grateful, to notice what is happening right now inside themselves.  This is not a retreat from the world but a way to cultivate connection to your strong flexible core in the midst of the world.

Here's what's required from you:

• Register for the Challenge.  
• Meditate for at least 5 minutes each day at any time that you choose. 
• Stay in touch.

Here's what you get:

• I'll email you a pdf of meditation and mindfulness resources; 
• Invite you to the Facebook group (optional); 
• and send you a few emails along the way to encourage you and check in.
• Other gifts from the practice!

This is free.  Please invite someone else!  Let's make this community large.

Peace and love!
Amanda

My Aunty Is Here!

Great Aunt Bessie and the Good People

"You can't hoot with the owls by night and soar with the eagles by day."

--Mrs. Bessie Brown

Have you ever had an older relative love you steadfastly?  Have you ever listened to someone tell stories of when you were a toddler that embarrass you and warm your tummy?  

Well, my Great Aunt Bessie is here to visit, and the stories are flowing.  She's eighty-eight and regaled us with stories all night.  We listened in shifts.  On the ride home from the airport, she spoke exclusively to my husband.  About me.  She crooned that I was such a loving child.  When we arrived home she flirted with my stepson.  

Sitting on the couch, she spoke to all the teens athletes in our family about cultivating good habits.  "You can't hoot with the owls by night and soar with the eagles by day."  If you stay up all night drinking and smoking, you will not be able to keep up during the day.  Stay focused was her instruction.

Later over dinner, Aunty held forth about baseball, including the times she saw Satchel Paige pitch. My Aunty's father listened to baseball on the radio, and they would often go to double-headers in Cleveland.  Every time she said the words: "My father" her tone was full of love and respect.  I never met him in person but I felt his energy.  Her father, my Great Grandfather, gave her and her sister a deep sense of protection.

My daughter and I are not avid baseball fans so we went to do an ab workout.  When I returned, Aunty was telling my husband about facing down jim crow in Savannah, Georgia.  My aunt moved there from Cleveland in the early 1950s with her military husband.  On one occasion, she refused to buy a hat that she had tried on even though they called the police on her.  Fortunately, the commanding officer at Hunter Air Force base came and took her back to the base.  President Truman had integrated the military.  According to Aunty, "Truman wanted a salt and pepper army."  Today, Aunty still carries her military wife i.d.   As I listened to her story, I wondered if I would've had the courage to risk arrest and hostility in Georgia in 1951.

My Great Aunt Bessie reminds me that I come from what she calls "good people."  Not perfect people.  (She freely admits to getting falling down drunk --literally--when she went to a Ray Charles concert at a dinner club.)  Good people.  Not superior people.  But people who contributed to others. Not rich people.  Good people.

Here's the kicker:  My Great Aunt Bessie is not my biological aunt.  Her father was not her biological father.   Good people cultivate love, connection and safety wherever they go.  Let's be "Good People."

Peace and love!
P.S.--Meditation increases your capacity to love, connect and feel safe.  Join me in 30 Days with Dr. Amanda Kemp Meditation Challenge.

How to Get Back up After You Fail

How to Get Back Up After You Fall--3 Steps

Do you remember that moment in The Matrix when Trinity falls and is too terrified to move?  She tells herself "Get up, Trinity, get up!"  She jumps up, and she moves, risking her life to save her life.

Well, there I was lying in bed last night after a failed conversation with a very important person.  My thinking was getting me more and more anxious and was weighing me down.  Thoughts like:  I shouldn't have... I'm screwing up... I'm gonna lose them..."  You get the flavor!

And then I started doing what Tara Brach calls the "Two wings of awareness."  She says notice what you are experiencing--feelings and physical sensations.  As you distinguish each one, gently and lovingly accept each one.  Noticing is like the masculine act.  Accepting with love (not necessarily approving but accepting what's there in a soft way) is a feminine act.  Do them together and you get back into the present.



So I noticed I was feeling alone.  Yes to feeling alone.  I noticed I was feeling mad.  Yes to feeling mad.  I noticed I was feeling scared.  Yes, I accept feeling scared.  Then I noticed that I felt safe.  Yes to safe.

Then I fell asleep which would typically NOT happen without DISTRACTING myself.

This  morning I talked with the important person and admitted that I was trapped by my thoughts.  I shared some of the flavor.  I said I was sorry for causing suffering.  I got defensive.  I noticed I was defending and said that out loud too.  I noticed when my chest felt heavy and  I GOT UP.

Then it hit me.  I'm defending from my own self-condemnation.
I paused to practice noticing again:
I feel sad.  Okay sad.
I feel with myself.  Okay with myself.
I feel anxious.  Okay anxious.
It's okay.

So here are the 3 steps:

1.  Notice what you are feeling.  Distinguish one sensation or feeling at a time.
2.  Accept each feeling or sensation with love or a softness.
3.  Do what comes next out of feeling present.  

Please let me know if this helps by commenting on the blog page and sharing.  

If you want support as you practice this kind of stuff, I hope you'll join me on my 30 Day Meditation Challenge.  We're going to start on Saturday Aug. 29. Register here.  There is no cost, and I'd love to have you.

If you want to stay in touch, please Sign up for Dr. Amanda's Inspiration Newsletter, like me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter

Peace and Love,
Amanda

www.dramandakemp.com

How to Stay Healthy when Black Lives Don't Matter

Self-Compassion Nugget #3

When I see yet another email about the killing of a Black human being; when I see yet another video on Facebook about a Black woman being threatened; when I am asked to sign yet another online petition asking the Justice Dept. to protect Black children--I feel like throwing up, raging, and crying.

You, too might be feeling this way.  In fact you might experience post-traumatic stress disorder--if you don't take steps to care for yourself.

This Washington Post article warns about the vicarious trauma experienced as we encounter degradation of Black life on our social media feeds.

A Black psychologist recommends unplugging for a while if you start to get overwhelmed.  

I urge you to go a step further.

Please write out how you feel.  Just set a timer and write without stopping, editing, arguing, censoring.

I did this and found out that the societal violence against Black women and girls was triggering my old wounds.  The video of the police and Sandra Bland and the photos of the young teen who was thrown to the ground in a two-piece bathing suit while the policeman put his knee in her back and pulled her hair hurt. They took me back emotionally to times when my voice did not matter, when my "No" was ignored, when I could not breathe.  I let this free association flow onto the page.

Writing it out gives us a chance to bear witness to our experience and to comfort ourselves. After I wrote, I recorded myself reading it.  Later, I shared it with Michael. Later still, I began to share it with two friends after meditating.  I prayed for guidance.  And it got lighter.  I didn't have to share the whole thing.

Now I'm going to work on it as a spoken word performance piece called #Say Her Name.  Here's a snippet.

The first step is to care for yourself and notice what is happening in you.  You may choose to stay away from social media or the news for a while.  Write out your feelings--not about your feelings.  Share with someone(s) you trust.

In these traumatic times we must know what's going on AND we must care for ourselves.  Let's not mirror this larger society's degradation of Black life.  Let's tend to ourselves.  

Here's something else you can do!

Peace and Love,
Dr. Amanda
   

Please share or comment.  Let me know how you are faring in these TRYING TIMES! #blacklivesmatter  #togetherwestand

Feelings Nothing More than Feelings

WHAT TO DO WITH PESKY FEELINGS?

Most folks probably think of me as emotional, as someone who is in touch with her feelings.  And I am--to an extent.  I know when I'm happy, angry, sad, etc.

However, I don't like feeling sad, scared or angry.  Therefore, I tend to push those down and avoid them.  I get really busy minding the kids' business; I tell Michael what to do; I find a new paranormal romance novel to binge on; I do analytic work.  I avoid my art.

Does this sound familiar?

Click on the video below from my Self-Compassion Series where I share what I did differently this time.

Please let me know what you do.

To keep up to date with Self- Compassion Series, please join my list on www.dramandakemp.com

Like me on Facebook

Peace and love!
Amanda

Your Mind's Job is Not to Make You Happy

We're all doing our part to honor and sustain life on our planet, right?

But sometimes I get mad and scared so I enrolled in a mindfulness and self-compassion course to see if I could stay empowered and loving even when I'm alone.

I was sitting in the class, feeling skeptical when the course leader said: "Your mind does not aim to make you happy.  Your mind is focused on surviving."

What?

I felt like I'd been given a Get Out of Jail Free card.

I dont' know about you but my mind constantly worries about THREATS and  outcomes; COMPARES myself with others; and DEFENDS me from even good stuff because it doesn't want me to get too cozy.  When I'm mindless, I wallow in my regrets about the past and projections of danger in the future.  I believe my thoughts are true and real and NOW.

BUT, I don't have to believe my thoughts. That's repetitive negative chatter.

 I can choose to practice mindful BREATHING and SELF-COMPASSION.

My new favorite counterpoint to Mind Chatter is this lovingkindness meditation:  

May I be well; 

May I be happy; 

May I be free from suffering.

Try it.  When you go on a mindless binge about the future or the past, stop.  Focus on your exhale breath a few times and then say these phrases out loud or silently.

May I be well; 

May I be happy; 

May I be free from suffering.

Repeat.

How was that?  Comment here.

I'm going to create a download with this meditation.  So look for it on my website: Dr. Amanda Kemp

In the meantime,

Peace and love!
Amanda